Chapter 5
In which my biological father explains himself

As I've mentioned in previous chapters, I had somehow found myself to be the ward of one Nathaniel Richards. The irony was not lost on myself, as I'm sure Victor would succumb to his rage having learned that my well being was in the hands of his nemesis' own father.

As you would guess, it would come as quite a shock when a very inebriated Nathaniel took me aside on my 16th birthday and presented me with quite an unusual gift. It would seem that he'd taken it upon himself to purchase one of the local woman as a token of his apologies. I of course was completely confused as to why he would be offering any apologies, other than leading me through an array of broken worlds in which I was never allowed any attempts at domination, but we've already discussed that in Chapter 10. I also have to admit, that despite his efforts, the woman was not in my interest. I've made it quite clear that I tend to prefer blonde females, and this woman was of the graying variety.

I politely refused, causing Nathaniel to protest more so than I've ever encountered. He began to lament on lives lost, wives of old, and children with whom he'd lost all contact. Honestly, I was certain at this point that he would not survive the coming year. It's one thing to ruin a boy's life, but to ruin one's birthday is far worse.

Then he mentioned the name Anna, who as you can recall, was the name of my Mother. The man was insinuating that he was indeed my father. Obviously my reaction to this

Kristoff Vernard
Fantastic Four (Marvel Comics)
273 words

The following "steps" are those that have been programmed taught by my former master. I have found that they do indeed work wonders when negotiations are not proceeding as you wish.

* Ensure that those you are negotiating with are fully aware that your solution is best.
* The above may be achieved with a visible arsenal.
* Ensure the fates of those who have failed to negotiate to your liking are well known.
* Have them tour your residence. Include a visit to the dungeon.
* If all else fails, dispose of their bodies and have it appear as though they were never there.

Of course, not everyone is so inclined as to follow the above procedures, and if you are hesitant to pursue such a violent means of negotiation my biological father has supplied me with a variety of techniques that will ensure your will be done in all negotiations.

* Lie.
* Withhold pertinent information.
* Subtle manipulations.
* Altering events via the space time continuum

I am fully capable of mentioning other means of negotiations, however those solely result in compromise. Why anyone would want to do such a thing is beyond me.

Kristoff Vernard
Fantastic Four (Marvel Comics)
183 words

OOC NOTE OF DOOM: We interrupt your normally scheduled Kristoff for a bit of crack.

THE ODD COUPLE : IN HELL - PILOT TEASER

TITLES - FADE IN

Various scenes from the series intermixed with the [yet to be chosen theme song]. Kristoff's name and Scott's name are in BOLD letters. This lasts for 30 seconds.

( INT. BAXTER BUILDING LABRATORY 12 - DAY )


Kristoff Vernard
Fantastic Four (Marvel Comics)
285 words

Insanity is completely relative to the life one leads. If one spends their time with super powered individuals their reality is far different than that of the old woman who surrounds herself with felines, however both are considered to be equally unbalanced in comparison to those who place such labels upon them.

I believe one would call such a person "your average citizen". These average citizens as it were are so vastly different in experiences and society that they have no choice as to label others in such ludicrous fashions. For what reason? It's quite simple, really. It's in justification of their meaningless existence fraught with substandard technology, asinine productions and fulfilling their own twisted vanities.

One has to wonder when one stumbles upon a so called luxury of "average citizens" why these people fail to see their obvious shortcomings. It's as simple as turning on a television, the media has made an excellent effort to provide the vapid masses with just enough indistinguishable drivel which further debases the human race as a whole. The entire premise behind it is declaring sanity through clothing one's pet in ludicrous fashions and purchasing whatever Hollywood's current most tart is promoting.

If one has the choice of following the path of the feeble minded majority or the path of those assumed to be mad, I would much prefer you all continue your silent accusations of my derangement. After all, it appears I shall be the only one who truly possesses the knowledge to properly discern the condemnations.


Kristoff Vernard
Fantastic Four (Marvel Comics)
251 words

I'm assuming that this list will have you all viewing me as a degenerate, however the majority of these were not of my choosing. This may also be the result of a certain woman threatening to destroy a potentially lucrative weaponry prototype if I don't indulge her. One would think that a person's sex life should be kept far from the public and any outlet that lends itself to media coverage.

Of course in this time I've spent explaining my disgust, she has somehow found the time to compose an equally disturbing ransom note. If she does follow through, I must admit it would be quite amusing to see her explanation when our superiors ask what became of their newest investment.

She is now scowling at me, which obviously means I have no choice but to finish this and return to other more important matters. That being said, I do wish she would stop laughing.

1. The Avengers Tower. I also believe it was at that point where we were both no longer permitted to imbue alcohol at any official S.H.I.E.L.D. or Avengers function for that exact reason.
2. The last Quinjet. Although I highly doubt it counts as it happened to be attacked mid christening.
3. The Bedroom. Obviously.

I'm beginning to tire of this list, in fact at this point I'm absolutely certain that if I refuse to continue there will be no adverse effects as I can simply blame a certain blonde individual who has provided me with proof of her incomprehensible sabotage.

[Hacked by the "Supposed crazy significant other" because Kris is an absolute jerkoff with no sense of whimsy.I wasn't going to break it, obviously. Geez.]

3. What are your personal responsibility and accountability in your recovery process?

[Locked to Group]

Victor is the reason I am the way I am today.

Due to situations that I could not control as a youth, my mind has been altered to a state that I cannot truly be held responsible for. As a result my coping stratagems are hardly appropriate and need to be further adapted to ensure a high quality, narcotic free life.

My significant other has forced me to attend some form of therapy in prevention of any further outbreaks of delirium and possible outbreaks of personalities that are not my own. In accordance with the therapist's will, the following outlines who is responsible for these outbursts and dependences. Honestly, who employs these people? I hardly believe 2 years of education is enough to counsel someone who's mind has been destroyed because of some highly disturbed terrorist's meddling.If given the opportunity I would most likely throw her outside of her gawdishly decorated office. Not only is she completely vacuous but is in need of an interior decorator.

Blame Victor.
Blame Richards.
Blame Victor.
Blame Lang.
Blame Victor.
Blame Nathaniel.
Blame Victor.
Blame Cassie.
Blame Victor.
Myself
Victor made me who I am. He is responsible and his blame is perfectly acceptable.

Kristoff Vernard
Marvel Comics
187 words

#237 - It's your birthday! If anything were possible, what would be your perfect way to celebrate?

When Kristoff is five years old, all he wants is his mother, the return of his father and a small toy. He doesn't want for much, only his country and mother's happiness.

When the boy's ninth birthday approaches, he is not in his right mind. He dreams of sovereignty, humiliation, and his enemies submission. When asked of his most prominent desire, he declares his wishes of vengeance towards a certain man named "Richards" and the man's worthless family.

While Kristoff is in stasis, he happens to turn both ten and eleven. In his coma, he dreams of birthday cakes, his adoptive father's approving gaze, and his mother's unlikely return from the dead. Despite the impossibilities, anything is possible in a dream, and the boy will never have another birthday as wonderful as those he's having now.

His twelfth birthday is approaching when Nathanial awakens him from his slumber. The boy's mind reeling with the events of a past that was not his own, the disappearance of a former master, and the wary trust of people he's been trained to despise. It's at this time he meets a young blonde named Cassie, and tries hard to ignore the feelings he's developing. She's the sole person who remembers his birthday, and as he blows out the imaginary candle he's been assured is there, he wishes for a kingdom, a queen, and a jester. Roles that can only be filled by the girl, her father and himself.

He's not allowed the luxury of making his wish a reality.

When he returns again, things have changed once more. He's long forgotten the need for birthdays or celebrations. His enemies have since forgotten him, and it appears his former friends as well. Yet for some reason he doesn't understand, he feels the need to celebrate this occasion.

So once more, the boy sits alone, and muses over his situation. Eighteen years of age and he's become both his fathers. How fitting. He makes a toast with the silence and wishes for another chance.

Kristoff Vernard is eighteen years old and all he wants is to escape the fate that he's certainly doomed to live.

Kristoff Vernard
Fantastic Four (Marvel Comics)
352 words

TM # 234 - Utopia

Utopia's are a short lived reality at best; none is truly capable of self sustainment. Most have a four year minimum, and a 10 year maximum. My biological father has done the appropriate study in a variety of worlds. Normally I would abstain from quoting him at any cost, however I've witnessed the fall of many Utopia's while partaking in travels with him.

My former master would argue that Utopia's are a foolish dream that solely appeases the weak. I have to agree. Without pain there is no growth and without chaos there is no order. There is only stagnation and lost potential. When the inevitable destruction arrives none will be prepared and any so called perfection will no longer be considered as such.

History has proven that no civilization is capable of maintaining a Utopia. Even the greatest empires have their share of corruption and disorder.

Kristoff Vernard
Fantastic Four (Marvel Comics)
194 words

1. How has your life become unmanageable?

[Locked to group]

Picture if you will, having just taken a large supply of tranquilizers only to have your significant other barging through the door. Apparently her house is no longer appropriate and she wishes to stay the night and 'talk'. Normally you would not bemoan her for such behaviour, as it's very rare for her to seek out your residence. However after taking a rather large amount of pills you’re prepared to fall into a coma. She continues her stories until you’re watching the world spin as your former master threatens to end humanity.

Of course she notices and begins to worry. Your first response is to deny any problems and blame it on the lack of sleep. She obliges and finally closes her mouth. Though, by now it's too late. The pills have gone beyond their effectiveness and are now the equivalent of something one would buy on the street.

For the rest of the night, she sleeps peacefully besides you while you experience auditory and visual hallucinations. By the time morning rolls around you've lost any functioning that could be declared normal. Your temper has also resurfaced despite every effort to keep it under control.

The morning ends with harsh words and a rather painful slap to your face. If this is a sign of things to come you are less than thrilled.

While cleaning up after she’s left you realize the familiarity of the situation. This has already happened at her house on several occasions. In fact it appears to be happening at every week.

You continue with your day, albeit with great difficulty concentrating and several more outbursts from your temper. By the day’s end you’ve reconciled with your significant other, however you’ve come to the conclusion that it may very well happen again.

It appears as though life is becoming more and more difficult to control as each day passes.

Kristoff Vernard
Marvel Comics
313 words

3.1 - Who do you blame for your issues?

[ oo1 ] Victor
[ oo2 ] Zorba
[ oo3 ] Richards
[ oo4 ] Lang
[ oo5 ] Nathaniel
[ oo6 ] Mother. For dying.

Kristoff Vernard
Fantastic Four (Marvel Comics)
8 words

I feel the need to have this, because Kristoff is complicated, and I made him EVEN more complicated because that's how I roll, apparently.

( Longish canon and fanon (really only the last paragraph) info )

( Important to things to know about who he is. )

( the aamuses alternate universe )

1.3 - Mommy Issues & 1.4 Daddy Issues

I have no "issues" as those of you in the western world so fondly refer.

My mother was a kind and gentle soul, one who appreciated not only my value, but that of my former master as well. Tragically, she was murdered by Zorba's merciless robotic minions. I was far too young to remember any one thing of great value when one speaks of her.

It was after her death that my former master, Victor Von Doom took me in as his ward. He provided more than adequate training in all facets of education, be it social graces, historical or technological prowess. I was graced with privilege.

[Locked/Private/Encrypted]

I witnessed my mother's death. There are times I recall it in dreams, the scent of burning flesh, something relatively new at the time, was quite an experience. Her screams of anguish are the cause of the worst nightmares.

I also recall Victor's mother Cynthia, she was kind and caring, almost to the same extent as my own mother. It was a pity what happened to her of course. I pity Victor for realizing her true fate. I consider myself lucky to know that my own mother was guaranteed passage into the heavenly afterlife with her sacrifice.

Victor was quite the surrogate father. Raising a child via robot and implanting them with your own mind after your death is certainly not the way to go when it comes to funeral arrangements. The implantation experience was quite painful, and its results still resemble that of a dream.

My surrogate father gave me the world only to take it away.

How many years were wasted pretending to be a man that I am greater than? How many years did I waste attempting to fulfill the man's goals? Far too many to be simply cast aside with a simple word and thrown back into a world where I was better than everyone yet they were too dimwitted to notice.

My real father gave me nothing. Trivial pursuits of his own fancy, a suit of armour reminiscent of some prepubescent design, and a decade of wasted opportunity. Nathaniel knew nothing of anything. How we could even share genetic markers is beyond me. Being rid of him is almost as wonderful as knowing that my former master is no longer on the mortal realm. His current placement is quite fitting, hell is a place he is no doubt well versed in.

I look forward to obliterating all remnants of his reign whence I take control. The past is past, the present is to be my only concern.


Kristoff Vernard
Fantastic Four (Marvel Comics)
429 words